Home » Ham » Recipe 003 – Ham

Recipe 003 – Ham

Is there ham in the place where you live? Is there ham in the place where you work?

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Hammity-ham! Wonderful ham!

Yep, it’s time for that old Easter classic, ham! It’s so incredibly easy to make. How easy? Well, it’s easy enough that I’m going out of my way to make it slightly more difficult than it has to be!

You will need:

1 ham

Some aluminum foil

Cooking spray

A baking dish

The ability to resist rolling your eyes at how easy it is to bake a ham

Well, here we go.

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Careful observers will note that this ham expired some time ago. Well, here’s a good thing about ham: despite what your first impression might be, it freezes fairly well. I bought this one right after Christmas when it was on deep discount. Ten pounds of ham for ten bucks. Not too bad!

Other things to pay attention to are…well, is, I suppose, since there’s only one more thing. Notice that this is a fully-cooked ham. This is relevant later. Oh, and it’s not spiral cut, so I guess there were two things! Moving on.

We begin by spraying cooking spray into the cooking dish.

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Challenging!

So difficult. Do we need a break at this point? No, we can push on. Be brave!

Now you cut open your ham and place it face-down inside the dish. Then, here’s the tough part, you built a little aluminium foil tent over it!

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Ok, getting so tired now, from how difficult this all is, but we’re almost done! You next place the ham into the oven at 350 degrees! But be careful! Don’t be like me and heat up your oven with an extra rack inside!

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When Mister Rack comes out of a very hot oven, Mister Rack is not your friend.

Ok, so that insanity past, put your ham in place.

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Much effort. Such difficulty. Wow.

Now comes the hardest part of all. Are you ready for this? Now we get to do…

Math-1

Noooooooooooo!

Ok, take a deep breath. We’re strong. We can get through this.

First, if your ham is fully-cooked, you need to bake it for approximately 10 minutes per pound. If it’s not fully-cooked, you do twenty minutes per pound. This one is ten pounds, so ten times ten is…is…

*strains hard, and does, just, all the maths*

100! Yes, 100 minutes at 350! That’s what we’re going for here. Phew. That was indeed a challenge!

Now once your ham is done, you take it out, cut it up, and serve it!

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You can, of course, vary this recipe considerably. First off, you can use a baking bag. These cut down the cooking time and help keep the ham moist, and while they’re better for turkey, they work fine for ham.

You can also add various things. Pineapple is very popular. Take a fresh pineapple, cut it up, and place the portions onto the ham. Fantastic! You can also take a knife and score the surface and put cloves onto it, if you’re a crazy person.

So congrats. You’ve just made the easiest damn centerpiece you’re ever going to make! But if you want to tell everyone it was hard to do, don’t worry; I got your back.

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“I’m sorry, Ms Saunders. He wanted to cook you the best ham ever. It didn’t come without price.”

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